Deep breath, here we go!
Christmas starts for us today with the gathering of our extended family. Like most, when Christmas arrives so too does the reflection. I often find that I am sad at Christmas, lacking the ability to look at the year that has flown and be thankful. This year is different on many levels, what I have achieved personally and what I have learned about myself and life this year has literally changed my life. It is often said that cancer changes lives. At nearly 5 years since diagnosis, I am putting it down to being a slow learner. I will however freely admit that the body changes caused by my less than healthy choices have been the impetus for change and the rewards have been immense. So I’ll skim through the changes (20kg weight loss, blood pressure normal, glucose normal, fitness level improved many fold, experiencing contentment) and move on to what I’ve learned because reflecting on learning is the way I will stay on the path to awesome.
This year I have learned many things that people have been saying for years; there is no rocket science but sometimes people (read I) need to come to a realisation that what is being said is true. As a stubborn perfectionist and a scientist, I just needed to have proof of the truths I am about to share.
This year I have learned:
- Gratitude is essential for contentment. If I look over my fence and see something I like better, great! I can work towards it but I must also look back and find three reasons to counter any feelings of envy in my own life. I always had goals clear in my mind and was in a state of constant anticipation that things would get better, never taking the time to realise that where I was, was actually pretty damn good!
- Family and people are more important than anything else. With G (husband) needing me this year for the first time in many years, I am proud to say I stepped up without issue and our relationship strengthened because of it. My daughter, L, has needed me this last few weeks more than she has for a very long time as she struggles with the unfortunate incidents in our fur family that occurred while I was away. We have taken strength from each other and from looking forward. There will be sad moments still, but together we talk and work through them and move forward. I am hoping that when G arrives home today and realises how ill-prepared I am for Christmas that he also sees that I have needed to spend time with L.
- The power of celebration, breaking big tasks into chewable portions and celebrating as the portions are chewed up. I have used this baby steps approach in every aspect of accepting awesome; weight loss, dealing with other health issues, depression, reclaiming my house…
- The need to let go: Looking back I was holding onto lots that needed to be let go. I found that writing was filing things away for me to revisit without emotion only if I chose to go there. This is immensely powerful and I did not understand the energy that dwelling in the past zapped from my being. The biggest learning here was that the looking back needs to be without the strong emotion of the initial incident as emotion is the energy zapper in holding on. That is not so say that I don’t feel any more; it’s more that the feelings are more controlled and I am allowing time to moderate much more than I ever have before.
- Controlling ambition: I have let a lot go as far as ambition from a professional perspective is concerned. I have accepted where I am, will continue to look at where I might rather be but I will not allow this to consume me.
- Reconnecting with people I have left behind: There are a couple of people who have come back into my life after years away. I love this. It is easy to look back on people and events and imagine them exactly as they were. It is healthier to realise that everybody moves on.
That’s probably enough reflection for today. There’s presents to wrap, food to be prepared, a house to tidy and clean but first Crash and I will take a jaunt around the park so that we can say good morning to the new day.
Have an AWESOME day, I know I will!