For 15 years I have lived with depression, to me a fog, sometimes a light fog, shrouding everyday activities, sometimes thick pea soup fog. The course of this condition took me from physically fit and active to obese, inactive and feeling 100 years old (I am 54). I used alcohol attempting to feel happy or at least to not feel sad, sometimes I used it to stop feeling whatever it was that had challenged me during the day. I made every excuse for my behaviour, I blamed everyone but myself and everything outside of my control.
In addition to obesity and a dependence on alcohol I was diagnosed with breast cancer just over 4 years ago. (All clear now).
I realised approximately 5 months ago that I was headed for an old age at best as a passenger, a spectator, or at worst as an invalid. I first worked on my depression, then physical fitness and obesity. Lastly, very recently, I acknowledged the destructive nature of my relationship with alcohol.
I now feel a level of contentment, self acceptance and respect that I have never experienced in my life. I feel as though, at the ripe old age of 54, my life is just beginning and I greet everyday with anticipation and gratitude.