So, back to work and I do not have nearly the time I had before to write. It’s not just work; having embraced life again, there is so much to do and so little time. I have not gone back into my previous modus operandi of embracing one aspect of life to the exclusion, or at least detriment, of others. In my life, I have focussed on work to the exclusion of everything else, I have made jewellery every waking moment, I have taken photos until I could see nothing but the photographic potential of a situation. These are far from the only things that I have embraced to the point of obsession. Now, however, my world is different. I can feel when I am moving into the danger zone and I back off. I limit any activities whether they are an enjoyable pastime such as beading or photography or a necessity such as work or cleaning and organising. I feel very much better with balance but balance includes limiting my writing. When I first started blogging, I had an overwhelming desire, probably need to get out a whole lot of feelings. That urgency has past. The desire to write is still there but the need is not nearly so overwhelming!
I do have to report that part of the impetus to accept awesome and change my life was an increasing awareness of my physical limitations. I have been on the road to awesome now for in excess of 8 months. But for an odd speed bump, the road has ostensibly been smooth. I’ve had to step back from some of the things that I initially placed in the category of high importance. I found that it was very easy to make me cry, and cry at inappropriate times and that I could tie myself in knots so I made the decision to return to taking anti-depressants, albeit at a much lower dose than the one that I have taken for many years. I chatted with my GP and she said to me that I was one of her inspirational patients and that I should not consider this to be a failure, rather a strength, that I had chosen to just do it and get on with getting better. I did have a moment or two when I considered this to be a monumental failure and was very pleased to take her words on board. So, enough of the challenges.
I have attracted attention at work because of my weight loss and have decided that my mission is to support others. I certainly won’t be preaching to anyone but, if they want support I am going to be there. Last week, I decided that in order to help the people that were coming out of the woodwork and talking weight loss to me, I needed to zone back in to challenging myself. Don’t ask me why I would make the decision to challenge myself in this way but I decided that I wanted to re-introduce running, jumping and hopping to my range of movements. The surprising part is that before I realised I couldn’t, I never valued my talents in any of these areas. In fact, I hated running!
I have been unable to run, jump or hop for many years because of my lack of balance, lack of physical fitness and lack of confidence. So, last week I started jogging while on my morning walk. I was doing brief stints of jogging; by brief stints, I mean just 20 or 30 metres. On Saturday morning, I left on my walk with G and L sitting chatting at the table. I had a skip in my step, felt great in fact and did a couple of short jogs. I then rang G and said, “Just come out to the letter box and look towards Hamilton Rd.” I waited round the corner until I could see both G and L standing there and then Crash and I set off to jog the 100 or so metres home. By the time I got there, I was flying, I was crying, I was totally overwhelmed. I could have won an Olympic medal and not been prouder of myself. I doubt that anyone who has never come to the realisation that they have lost something will appreciate the feeling of getting it back but that feeling was awesome. I am awesome. I don’t believe that there is anything that I cannot do if I put my mind to it.
What I have to say today is, “Be awesome!” Define your awesome, whatever it looks like and, just do it!