Decision Making and Irritability

Packed and ready to fly away early tomorrow morning for a fortnight in Tasmania. I always get stressed when I travel, Tasmania especially so because the weather is seriously unpredictable. I pack, unpack, pack again, unpack… I think you get the picture.
I also have a couple of additional challenges since deciding that depression and antidepressants were not going to be a part of my life – I am not nearly as decisive as I was previously. I am not sure what the connection is. I just know that previously I was always very sure of myself whereas now I second guess every decision (right down to what to pack to go on holiday). I understand that part of my accepting awesome was that I had to take a softer more compromising stance on a number of issues but I seem to take the softer indecisive route with everything. And I mean everything. Deciding on what to have for dinner is a challenge in restaurants. I now just wait until it’s my turn to order and select whichever dish I am up to on the ‘this one, no that one’ deliberations.
I also have a much shorter fuse than I ever remember having before. Last night I got extremely upset while trying to organise an online purchase. I kept getting part way through the on-line application and then the app would throw me out and I’d have to start again. Normally I would probably walk away and come back later but last night, I just got madder and madder. Eventually I ended up in tears. And my sensible alter ego looked at me incredulously. And that made me even madder!
My short fuse (actually it is probably better described as extreme irritability) extends to other people and circumstances as well as myself and I have to say that if I keep feeling this way I will have to accept that I have a way to go before I can really consider myself cured. Looking back, I realise that the level of medication that I took previously made me very tolerant to lots of things. One example is that one of the dogs, Beo, spends lots of time barking through the fence at the dog next door. This was previously a minor annoyance. Now, I clench my teeth so tightly that it makes me face hurt.
Right about now, I am looking for a healthy balance. I want to feel enough to be annoyed at times, I just want my jaw not to ache from clenching my teeth.
Today G and I went to see Captain Phillips at the movies. I have to say that when I see a story such as that one, I think I have nothing to worry about and feel as though I need to just get on with the business of living!

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